Acceptance

I know a lot of people struggle with acceptance.
What does it really mean to be accepted?

Is it like when you want purchase something and when you check to see if your form of payment is accepted? Perhaps this is true as rejection of your preferred form of payment could be a blow to one's ego. Unlike most situations in real life, in this scenario you just default to another form of payment. Then again, is that unlike human behavior for some? One gets rejected as what they were hoping to be accepted, only to adopt another set of standards to possibly be accepted at the new image. Is acceptance then an image?

For many, the need to feel accepted as they are is only part of the human experience. For transgender people, for example, have a need to be accepted the way they want to be accepted. It is interesting when I meet someone who is transgender, who I have never known as the prior gender. I merely accept them the way the wish to be accepted. Most of the time, it is quite difficult to even imagine them as the prior gender. My thoughts are that they are actually wanting this, to be accepted as the way they want to be accepted.

For me, acceptance runs close to validation. Could those words be synonymous, or are they different? I realize during the time I have spent interacting with others, I really need to be in a space of self-love and acceptance of myself to receive the validation I seek from others. I falsely think another offering me validation will somehow give me self-assurance. Sure, it helps for someone to say you look amazing, or that that you are beautiful, but if you're not first saying that to yourself, you can't receive the message from others.

So now the question is, how do I work on that. Well, I am not a psycho-therapist or counselor, but I do know self-affirmations help, and it takes practice. Yes, it sounds and feels silly to look yourself in the mirror and give yourself compliments, but his form of "ego-masterbation" works for many. I have done them, but I mostly write them over and over and over again. This looks somewhat like a schoolchild in trouble writing on the chalkboard after class.

I am a beautiful and kind person
I am a lovable, beautiful, and kind person
I am a worthy of love
I am a very handsome man
I am a lovable person
I am a lovable person

Now, I could copy and paste, but that's not the point. Change a few words as you go, and trust me when I say within a few lines, you head will become more straight aligning with your shoulders, and perhaps, just perhaps a smile will form. This is it. The moment of a sensation of validation sought -It was within you all along.

The Doers and The Avoiders ... and then The Eventually-ers

One thing I have noticed about people is the notion of responding to something needing to get done. There are, what I phrase, the doers. These people will take care of almost every situation that arrises, typically without debate or push-back. The doers start from the time they it the floor in the morning until the time they shut their eyes for the night. Due to their get-it-down, will handle it, or otherwise take-care-of it operationalizing, their need to perform becomes a reliance to those around them.

At first, they don't mind being able to repair a broken light switch or have dinner plans prepared for the week. The doers, well, they seem to enjoy being wanted and "needed". It fulfills a purpose and a drive to be better and feel wanted. The problem arises over time, this will bare down on the doer. They start a little resentment as they are repairing, planning, or carrying out a task while others around them "take it easy". After all, according to most doers, if they don't do it, it won't get done. Perhaps this is a little control issue they have, or is this more a codependency ... or both.